Last Christmas
by OuToFmYmInDbAcKiN5MiNuTeS
Summary: Last Christmas was when evertyhing had changed for Kendall Knight and James Diamond. Kendall had given Jame shis heart only to have it crushed. Now a year later the wounds are reopened, can they heal the wounds or will they drift furthter apart?


**Last Christmas **

Kendall Knight sighed as he looked down at the picture on his phone. It was taken a year ago on Christmas. It was of him and his then boyfriend James Diamond. That was the night everything had just fallen apart. Kendall didn't like thinking about that night too much, the night before was much better.

Kendall closed his eyes as he thought about the happier time.

_Kendall got out of his car being sure to grab the present he had gotten James from the front seat. He then carefully ran though the slush to the door of the apartment building before him. Once inside Kendall shook the snow from his jacket and brushed his hair out. He then made his way up to apartment 2J. He knocked on the door waiting for James to open the door for him. _

_Several long second later the door opened and Kendall was met with the grinning face of his boyfriend James Diamond. James was shirtless and only wearing a pair of low riding jeans. Kendall leaned in and pecked the brunette on the lips before pushing him back into the apartment stepping inside himself. _

"_Someone's eager to see me," James teased. _

"_Shut up," Kendall said blushing. He the looked down at the present in his hands. "I got this for you," he said. _

"_You didn't have to," James said smiling. _

"_I wanted to, and it's something you've been wanting for awhile," Kendall said smiling at the brunette. James took the present and opening it before giving a laugh. _

"_Thank you," James said walking up to the blonde and kissing him. Inside the box was the new cuda products James had been wanting to get himself, but hadn't really gotten around to doing it. _

"_You're welcome, I knew you'd like it," Kendall said blushing. _

"_I do love it, and I love you," James said. Kendall smiled at that. He looked up at the brunette. _

"_I love you too," Kendall said smiling. It felt nice to say it. _

_James was just special and Kendall knew he was the one. Everything just felt right. Sure they had only been dating a few months, but it didn't feel like that. Kendall had known James since they were little. It was like they had been dating their whole lives. They had gone to movies together, gone shopping, and even out to eat. They had finally just taken it a step farther and admitted their feelings for one another. They had been dating now for almost a year, well nine months to be exact, but who's counting. _

"_I got you something as well," James said grinning. _

"_Oh really? What?" Kendall asked smiling. _

"_Come over here and unwrap it and you'll see," James said hooking his fingers into the belt loop of his own jeans. Kendall smiled and walked over to the brunette and kissed him. _

Kendall took a deep breath and got out of his car. He carefully ran up to the house before him. The house was cozy and lights were on, inside and out, and lots of people could be seen moving around inside already.

Kendall rang the doorbell. He bounced lightly on his feet as he waited for the door to open. He was eager for this night. He wasn't sure if this was going to end good or bad, but there was only one way to find out. When it opened Kendall smiled at the sight of his long time friend Carlos Garcia.

"Kendall, you made it," Carlos said stepping aside for the blonde. "I knew you'd make it," he said smiling.

"I told you I'd be here, I'd never miss one of yours and Logie's parties," Kendall said smiling.

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Carlos said with a smile.

"So is he-" Kendall started.

"Yes but you don't have to see him if you don't want to. Logan and I will keep him busy," Carlos said.

"That's sweet, but it's been a year, I'm sure I can handle it," Kendall said. He wasn't sure if he could really handle it. He was sure the moment he saw James everything would come rushing back. He'd be back where he was a year ago. In love with James and hurting from the betrayal.

"Ok, but if you need anything, let me or Logan know," Carlos said. Kendall nodded his head as the doorbell rang again. Kendall took that as his cue to leave.

Kendall made his way to the kitchen. He spotted Logan, his best friend talking so some other friends of his. Kendall waited until they were gone to walk up to Logan and cover his eyes.

"Guess who, and it's not Carlos," Kendall warned.

"Well if you're not Carlos, you must be Kendall," Logan said with a laugh. Kendall let his hands fall as he leaned over Logan and pecked him on the cheek.

"You're good at this game Logie," Kendall said. He then moved around to face the brunette.

"I'm glad you're here, I almost didn't think you'd show up," Logan admitted.

"And miss one of your parties, your nuts," Kendall said.

"I have to be," Logan said holding up his left hand to show Kendall his ring.

"No way," Kendall said, "I was just talking to Carlos, he didn't say anything," he said.

"I wouldn't be surprised, he's so busy he wouldn't have time to think about it," Logan said shaking his head. "He asked me last night it was perfect. He had the ring wrapped up and sitting on the tree branches. He got down on one knee and everything," Logan said with a dreamy smile.

"Such a romantic Logie," Kendall teased. Logan just blushed. "So you'll officially be a Garcia soon?" he asked.

"I dunno, I mean we just got engaged, but I've always wanted a long engagement where I could plan everything just right," Logan said.

"I'm sure you'll get your way and when you don't you'll pout till you do," Kendall chuckled. Logan blushed again. "Just like that," Kendall said as he poked the brunette's cheek.

"Oh Kendall," Carlos said as he walked up to the two.

"I told him," Logan said. His eyes went wide and he turned back to the blonde. "You'll be my best man right?" he asked. Kendall chuckled and nodded his head. He slung his arm over Logan's shoulders.

"You know I came in here because a few of my work buddies told me someone was all over my fiancé," Carlos said with a smirk.

"Oh yes Carlos, I'm gonna steal him from you," Kendall said wrapping his arms tightly around his friend.

"Get off," Logan said trying to push the blonde off.

"You know you like it," Kendall grinned.

Carlos laughed at the two. He had nothing to worry about Kendall and Logan were just friends. They had practically been raised like brothers. Kendall didn't have a dad since he had walked put when Kendall was young so David Mitchell filled the void and treated Kendall and his mother and sister like family.

"Oh my god, Carlos Garcia? Did I really have to find out from your mother?"

Carlos, Logan, and Kendall all turned and saw James walking over to them. Kendall felt a flutter in his chest at the sight of James. He had changed so much in the last year. Instead of his long hair it was now cut short and styled up a bit. He was also wearing slim black glasses rather than contacts. He was still fit. He still made Kendall's heart pound and yearn for his touch. Kendall backed away as James talked to Carlos and Logan.

"I'm sorry, it totally slipped my mind, Logie's been telling everyone," Carlos said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, and I didn't even know you were here," Logan said looking at James as he flashed his ring.

"A bit girly isn't it Loges?" James teased. Logan just stuck his tongue out at him. Carlos chuckled knowing James was just teasing.

"There you four are, I've been looking all over for you."

The four looked up and saw Logan's sister; Presley, and Kendall's sister; Katie standing a few feet away with a smile. Katie and Presley were the same age and best friends like the boys had been.

"Pres, Katie," Logan said running over to his sisters. Logan considered Katie like a sister just as much as he considered Kendall his brother.

"Four?" James said confused. He turned and saw Kendall a few feet away.

Kendall met his eyes. Everything came flooding back to him. It was a year ago and him and James were in love. James had just cheated on him with Kendall's ex-girlfriend Lucy Stone.

"Kendall," James said slowly, "you were so quiet I didn't notice you," he said.

Kendall opened his mouth, but no words came out. He didn't know what to say. 'Say something! Say something! Say anything' he thought to himself.

"I'm thirsty," Kendall said before he booked it out of he kitchen and into the living room. He didn't care if he had said he was thirsty. Being in the same room as James had been harder than he had thought it would be. It brought everything back to the surface and, Kendall felt like he couldn't breathe. He walked over to the couch and sat down. Logan walked up to him.

"Kendall, are you ok?" Logan asked.

"Here." Kendall looked up and saw James holding his inhaler, "I know you can work yourself up into an arrack without trying," James said. Kendall took the small inhaler and took a puff. He should've taken it from his jacket pocket when he walked in the door. He knew he had asthma and his inhaler not being with him could be trouble.

"Thanks," Kendall said looking at the floor after he took his second puff.

"Look, I'll leave and we can hang out some other time Carlos," James said turning to the Latino beside him.

"James," Carlos started.

"Why?" Kendall asked simply still looking at the floor.

"What?" Logan asked confused.

Kendall looked up at James who was looking at him curiously. "This last year, I've been trying to think of a reason and I can't, so why?" he asked again.

"Does it matter? You'll never take me back," James replied. Carlos moved over to Logan and pulled him a few feet away from the two, giving them some privacy.

"That may be true, but I just want to know why," Kendall said.

"Lucy was drunk and she admitted she had a crush on me. I told her I wasn't interested and she persisted," James said softly.

"So what you got drunk and gave in? You knew I dated her and you knew how I would react. I mean I told you I didn't want to get hurt and you promised you'd never hurt me," Kendall said tears springing to his eyes. He fought them back as he glared at the brunette before him.

"No I didn't get drunk, she corner me and kissed me. You just happened to walk in at the wrong time and assumed things. I am not like Jett, Kendall," James said glaring at the blonde in return. "I care about you more than anything, but you're too stubborn to listen so after you left I knew it was over. I knew there'd be no talking to you or convincing you otherwise. You get things in your head and once you do there's no changing it," he said shaking his head.

"You still kissed someone else," Kendall said shaking his head.

"See, that's all you see, you don't want to see things any other way, you've always got to be right. It's one of the things I hated about you. Sometimes it's just so hard to be around you," James said shaking his head.

"Oh really? If I'm sure a hard person to be around, then why did you even date me," Kendall snapped. Without waiting for James to speak Kendall turned and left. He didn't want to hear what James said next. It was most likely going to be something he didn't want to hear.

Without thinking, Kendall left the house. He just wanted to get away from James.

"Christ Kendall, at least take you're jacket," James called after the blonde. Kendall turned around and saw James slipped his jacket on with Kendall's in his hand. Kendall walked over to James and grabbed his jacket. James however pulled on the jacket and pulled the blonde to him.

James smashed their lips together as he wrapped Kendall's coat around him. Kendall froze in shock. He let James lead the kiss. It was so familiar and inviting. It was over too soon for Kendall's liking.

"Because I love you," James said.

"Huh?" Kendall asked confused as the wind picker up. He put his jacket on properly.

"I dated you because I love you, and I'm not usually on the receiving end of you're anger." James said.

"Oh," Kendall said putting a little space between them.

"Ever since we were in fifth grade I wanted nothing more than to be on your good side and make you happy," James admitted looking down at the ground. "In high school, I realized what I felt for you was love and it only got worse as the years passed. I wanted nothing more than to be the one you loved, but you were straight, or so I thought," he said looking up at Kendall. He took a step closer to the blonde. "After you broke up with Lucy I was there for you. I didn't care if you loved me or not, I wanted to help you be happy again. Then with Jett I wanted nothing more than to punch that arrogant asshole in the face. I was glad when he was gone, but picking up what was left of you was hard. You are too trusting for your own good Kendall," he said. He placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder.

"I've been told that," Kendall said.

"When you kissed me that night last year, I was so fucking ecstatic. I wanted to shout to the world that you loved me back, but I held it back and played it safe," James said, "I didn't want to scare you away and lose you. I mean after years of wanting you I finally had you I didn't want to lose you. What happened last Christmas was out of my control. She kissed me and I did not want it," James said.

Kendall stood there looking at James. It was then that he realized it was snowing out. James' hair was covered in snow, his probably looked no better. He swallowed the lump in his throat and closed the distance between them. He sealed their lips together once more. James was a bit shocked, but recovered quickly. The parted and James rested his forehead on Kendall's.

"I love you too James," Kendall said softly. "I do fall in love easily, but with you it's different. There's always been something there. I just didn't want to admit it. That's why it took me so long," he said.

"I'd wait for you for forever," James replied.

"I know, but you don't have to wait anymore," Kendall said his hands coming up to James' neck. He played with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I know where I want to be and that is with you," Kendall said.

"Good, I want you here with me too," James said his arms wrapping around the blonde's waist. Kendall laughed and shook his head.

"So are we back together then?" Kendall asked.

"I hope so, otherwise this is a really cruel joke Kendall," James replied.

"It's no joke on my part," Kendall said.

"No joke here," James said.

"Good," Kendall said pulling James down into another kiss.

Before things could get too heated a familiar voice cut them off, "you two will catch a cold out there, you better get back inside where it's warm."

Kendall felt James hand leave his waist and flip Carlos off. Kendall laughed and took a step back from the brunette. He grabbed his hand and started to tug him towards the house.

"I know it's last minute, but I'm sure I can get you a Christmas gift later," James said huskily.

"Will it be like the one you gave me last year," Kendall asked his hand moving behind him to the brunette's crotch. James gasped at the blonde's boldness.

"It'll be better," James promised.

"I can't wait," Kendall said. He then let go of James' hand and ran into the house. Carlos and Logan were waiting for the two. They wanted to know if things were good.

Kendall wasn't really sure, but right now they felt right. He had James once more, and it just felt right. He wasn't sure what would happen in the future, but no one knew. The mystery made it fun. With James at his side Kendall was looking forward to the new year.

**So this is a little, late but my computer charging cord has been ripped and I have to share one. I get limited access to it, so updates might be spread out until I can get a new cord. Also this would've been up on time, but my computer crashed and I kind of last my inspiration to even write this, but I did. I had to once I posted All I Want for Christmas, my Cargan side to this. If you have not read it, then please go check it out. It's the Cargan side of this story. It involves the proposal. So enough rambling, I hope you enjoyed this and there will be more updates hopefully soon. If not I apologize. **

**Always **

**OUTOFMYMIND**


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